Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Profiles in Brazen Ignorance: Hamilton Nolan

Typically, I enjoy beating up on law schools, industry apologist cockroaches, “law professors” and diploma mill administrators. Today, I have a rat named Hamilton Nolan in the TTR cross-hairs.

Hamilton, people visit this site so that they can see me profile law schools - not to read about the freaky-looking, banjo-playing kid from “Deliverance.” Currently, readers in Ohio expect me to feature their local TTTs. Then you had to go and write some dreck - and delay these reviews.

How’s it going, Bitch? Seeing that you have a last name for a first name - and a 12” neck - how many lockers did you get stuffed into as a kid?!

“The indignities heaped upon our nation's young attorneys continue to pile up like snowdrifts on the bleak city streets. Consider the plight of today's humble barristers: having spent the year confined to an office, they emerge to find...a bonus nightmare.”

In this piece, Gawker “staff writer” Hamilton Nolan decided to mock Biglaw associates who are supposedly lamenting their meager annual bonuses. I am not a fan of Biglaw and its corporate cockroach clients. (These crooks are often worse than the common street criminals.) Instead of noting the rise of LPOs - or focusing on ABA “Ethics” Opinion 08-451 - Hamilton chose to act as if Biglaw associate bonuses are a sign that the legal industry is picking up. The job market for American lawyers is shrinking, ass-monkey! Seriously, do some real research BEFORE spouting off on a topic you know nothing about. Why not focus on attorneys taking cases – from beginning to end – for $350?

We can see that Corky mockingly posted about law students’ gloomy job prospects back in August 2010, as well.

“Not long ago, America's best and brightest young greedy bastards were piling into expensive law schools, confident they'd soon be wealthy older bastards. Then, law degrees became worthless. It's gotten so bad, young lawyers have resorted to doing something respectable.

The NYT reports that hotshot young would-be corporate attorneys are stuck in a world of high law school debt and newly low chances of scoring that coveted partnership as a highly-paid corporate paper-pusher-for-hire, since old lawyers aren't even retiring any more. Desperate times call for desperate measures.”

Too bad the sallow rat did not dig deeper and discover that many of those who want to be public service attorneys will never get the chance - because of the lawyer glut and monstrous NON-DISCHARGEABLE student debt.

Let’s peruse this moron’s blog for a moment. Check out his take on Dick Cavett’s New York Times blog.

On the right hand side of the page, you can access his full profile. From there, you can see that Pencil-Neck calls his blog “Hamilton Nolan Says Smart Sh*t”. Hell, the next time you say something intelligent, moron, will be the first time you have done so.

Check out this interview with Gelf Magazine and “intellectual heavyweight” Hamilton Nolan.

Gelf Magazine: Before jumping over to Gawker, you were a staff reporter at PR Week. Were you at all intimidated by the new job? Commenters can be cutthroat, after all.

Hamilton Nolan: It was interesting. I was excited, more than intimidated. I liked the idea of being able to write more freely than you can just by being a standard reporter. The most fun thing to me is the freedom to write like a normal person, not just like a reporter.

[Read: “I can write like a bitch, and not worry about presenting objective facts - or conducting any meaningful research.]

Apparently, Gawker does not require much of its staff writers.

Hamilton, your “writing” style is similar to this tripe above. You simply pass on the misperception that lawyers are making it big, thereby feeding into the average person’s anger at the situation. The ignorant masses - including selfish Baby Boomers - then jump onboard with their foolish comments. In the end, you are no better than demagogues/pretentious douche-bags such as Bill O’Reilly, Glen Beck or Keith Olbermann. (At least those ass-clowns make serious cash for selling their souls.)

Do yourself a favor, Stupid Bitch, and adopt the following: (a) learn how to engage in thorough research; (b) present objective facts; and (c) don’t buzz your hair when you have a MASSIVE forehead and Dumbo ears. Perhaps, you can report on the fact that 44,000 JDs from the Class of 2009 competed for 28,901 jobs requiring bar passage – without telling debt-strapped JDs to “get a real job.”

Who knows? As a "journalist,"you might even be interested in the average student indebtedness incurred by those who attend law school. These are cold, hard facts that do not require idiotic commentary.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Crusty Turd: Cleveland-Marshall College of Law at Cleveland State University

When it comes to TTR beat-downs, it is always better to give than to receive. The same goes for having TTTs named after you.

“In 1946, Cleveland Law School merged with the John Marshall School of Law, founded in 1916, to become Cleveland–Marshall College of Law. Cleveland-Marshall affiliated with Cleveland State University in 1969.”

John Marshall has yet another piece of trash named after him.

Tuition: An Ohio resident attending this public toilet on a full-time basis – for the 2010-2011 academic year – will be charged $18,200 in tuition and fees. An out-of-state, full-time student will be charged $24,975.60 in tuition and fees for the same academic year. I am certain the school is serious about that $0.60, by the way. My TTT actually was thrilled with my $0.08 donation last year.

Total Cost of Attendance: The school estimates that room & board; personal expenses; transportation; and books/supplies will account for an additional $16,296. This would bring the total COA – for an Ohio resident – to $34,496; for non-residents, this figure would amount to $41,271.60.

Rankings: There are nine law schools in the state. But this school’s solid reputation will allow me to compete in a crowded field, right?!?! Well, the school has a reputation as solid waste, i.e. US News & World Report lists this school in the filthy, foul third tier of U.S. law schools.

Job Prospects: Since these tramps don’t provide employment placement or starting salary figures, we go to an outside source for this information. According to Law School Numbers, 91.1% of this toilet’s Class of 2005 was supposedly employed within nine months of graduation.

Entering Student GPA and LSAT scores: LSN shows that the 75th percentile of entering students, for the Cleveland-Marshall Law Class of 2009, scored a 157 on the LSAT. Those in the 25th percentile had a score of 152. Those in the 75th percentile had a UGPA of 3.62, whereas those in the 25th percentile earned a stunning 2.95 GPA during undergrad. If you have similar numbers, you may end up at a third tier toilet such as this place.

Average Student Indebtedness: According to US News, the average student indebtedness for Class of 2009 Cleveland-Marshall Commode of Law grads who incurred law school debt was $61,500. Fully 80% of this particular graduating class took on law school debt.

Law Faculty Salaries: Go to this site, and using the drop-down boxes, enter “Cleveland State University” under school, “Law” under department, Year 2009, and Salary Range of $100,000+.

We can see that the following faculty members made out like bandits, in 2009: “professor and dean emeritus” Steven H. Steinglass made $163,905; “associate dean and professor” Heidi Gorovitz Robertson “earned” $145,725.59; and “professor” James G. Wilson raked in $241,778.08. (Who knew that teaching Con Law, Environmental Law and Admin Law could be such a LUCRATIVE position?!?!)

But that is not all! Interim Dean and “professor of law” Phyllis L. Crocker made $162,386.53 in 2009, while and former dean - and current university provost - Geoffrey Simonson Mearns cashed in $239,465.04.

Look at this outrageous header:

“If you don't go to Law School, will you always wish you had?”

After all, can one have a meaningful existence without taking out $70K-$100K in NON-DISCHARGEABLE student loans, for a TTT degree?!?! The shameless sales pitch then goes on to talk about how the commode was: the first law school in Ohio to admit women and minorities; offers joint degree programs and a Russian Studies Program; serves the community; cures cancer; etc.

Guess what this amounts to?! The third tier!!

Remember, bar passage is distinct from legal employment. Also, keep in mind that this 90 percent pass rate is based on a February exam.

Conclusion: While the cost of attendance may not quite as prohibitive as other diploma mills, keep in mind that the average student debt load from law school was $61,500 for the Class of 2009. Also, take your student loans from undergrad into account. A person could easily look at $90K+ in combined student loans. Do you really want to take out mountains of NON-DISCHARGEABLE debt so that these selfish faculty members can continue to make serious money?!?!

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Third Tier Solid Waste: Ohio Northern University Claude W. Pettit College of Law

Tuition: For the 2010-2011 academic year, a full-time student at the Ohio Northern University College of Law will be charged $30,964.

Ranking: So the price tag is a little steep. Plus, the school is located in someplace called Ada, Ohio. Surely the job prospects and school’s reputation will make up for the price and location, right?!?! Well…US News & World Report lists this pre$TTTigiou$ school in the third tier of American law schools.

Alleged Employment Rate: The commode claims a placement rate of 94%, for its Class of 2009. Sure it was - and Salma Hayek just finished massaging my neck, shoulders and back with her lovely bare breasts. (If this entry comes across as rushed, you will understand why.)

“Over the past eight years, Ohio Northern's placement rate has exceeded the national average. The class of 2009 had 94% employed full-time or enrolled in an LLM program within nine months after graduation”

[This same "Quick Facts" page notes that the 75th percentile LSAT score - for the Fall 2010 entering class - was 156; the 25 percentile test score was 149. The 75th percentile UGPA stood at 3.70 - and the 25th percentile undergrad GPA was a whopping 2.94.]

NALP reports the national placement rate for the JD Class of 2009 as 88.3 percent. This survey also includes responses from those who graduated from elite schools and first tier law schools. Yet, somehow this third tier commode asserts an employment rate nearly 6 percentage points higher than the overall job placement for 2009 law graduates.

Average Student Indebtedness: According to USN&WR, the average student indebtedness for Class of 2009 ONU Commode of Law grads who incurred law school debt was $87,230. Furthermore, 93% of this poor, unfortunate graduaTTTing class took on law school debt.

Faculty and Administrator Pay: Let’s see how well the bandits/”professors” are making out. For this information, we go to page 31 of Ohio Northern University’s 2009 Form 990. We can see that the dean of the Commode of Law, David C. Crago, made $209,299 in TOTAL COMPENSATION - for 2008. Yes, Crago made $190,154 in base compensation plus $19,145 in deferred compensation. Only the university president made more money than Crago. In fact, three of the university’s six highest-compensated employees teach at the law school.

Furthermore, Howard N. Fenton, director of the LLM program/scam and “professor of law,” made $187,746 in TOTAL COMPENSATION for the same year. Lastly, Stephen C.Veltri, associate dean for academic affairs and “professor of law,” made $170,262 for 2008.

On page 3 of the “viewbook,” the commode claims:

“Ohio Northern students are of the highest academic quality and are prepared for the legal profession by nationally recognized scholars who are committed to producing extremely skilled graduates who can compete in today’s challenging legal world.”

First, the school ADMITTEDLY accepts students with 149 LSAT scores - as well as those who graduated from college with GPAs of 2.94. Second, no employer gives a damn if you were taught by supposed “nationally recognized scholars.” Lastly, I suppose ONU Commode of Law may train its students to compete in the miserable world of document review and legal process outsourcing.

Conclusion: This school is an overpriced piece of trash located in the frozen tundra of northern Ohio. The official name of this moist turd is the Ohio Northern University, Claude W. Pettit College of Law. That name provides an apt connotation - as your job prospects will be small, i.e. petite, indeed.

In the last analysis, you will NOT be better off taking on an additional $90K-$130K - in NON-DISCHARGEABLE debt - for a law degree from this in$TTTiTTTuTTTion. If you simply MUST be an attorney, attend a school that people will recognize - NOT one where people will ask if the school is accredited, i.e. Ohio Northern.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Fourth Tier Dung Pit: University of Dayton School of Law

By popular demand, the Third Tier Express is returning to Ohio. After all, who wouldn’t want to spend the holidays here?!

Tuition: For the 2010-2011 school year, a full-time student at the University of Dayton School of Law will be charged $33,330 in tuition, plus $206 in university fees.

Total Cost of Attendance: According to this same page, the school estimates that books and supplies; health and counseling center fees; and personal costs will add another $15,644 to the tab. This would bring the total COA for the academic year to $49,180. However, seeing that actual law students – as opposed to hypothetical ones – require expenses over 12 months, and not 9 months, we can determine that personal costs would amount to $18,667. Thus, the actual total COA - over 12 months – would be $53,847.

Ranking: Okay, so the school is located in muggy, cold Dayton, Ohio. Tuition is a little steep, especially for residents of that economic dead zone known as Ohio. Surely, the school’s stellar national reputation will make this a wise investment, right?!?! Well, some publication calling itself US News & World Report finds lists this school in the fourth tier of American law schools.

Employment Prospects: Since the law school is not willing to provide employment stats, we go to an outside source. LSAT Prep Course purports to show that 91.5% of Dayton JDs were “known to be employed nine months after graduation.” It does not specify which graduating class this pertains to. This site also states that the average indebtedness of 2008 graduates who incurred law school debt was $81,770 – which is $10,245 more than the amount listed for Class of 2009, when tuition was higher.

Average Student Indebtedness: US News reports that the average student indebtedness for 2009 University of Dayton law grads who incurred law school debt at $71,525. Also, 91 percent of this trash pit’s 2009 graduating class took on law school debt.

Faculty and Administrator Pay: Go to page 35 of the University of Dayton’s 2009 IRS Form 990. As you can see, dean and “professor of law” John Travolta, a.k.a. Lisa A. Kloppenberg, made $306,746 in TOTAL COMPENSATION – for 2008. Also, “associate dean for academic affairs and professor of law” Richard Perla made $258,503 in TOTAL COMPENSATION – for the same year.

Entering Student GPA and LSAT scores: According to this site, the 75th percentile of entering students, for the Dayton Law Class of 2009, scored a 155 on the LSAT. Those in the 25th percentile had a score of 150. Those in the 75th percentile had a UGPA of 3.49, whereas those in the 25th percentile earned a 2.89 GPA during undergrad. If you have similar numbers, you may end up at a toxic dump such as this one.

“Our mission as a law school reflects our character and purpose, derives from our traditions, and inspires our aspirations. Our mission and our vision have important implications for how law is taught here - and how you can expect to be treated as a student.”

“The University of Dayton law school is partnering with Central State University in an effort to grow the diversity of its program.”

Hey, at least the commode is working with other Ohio toilets to promote diversity. Because minorities will be helped by having an extra $60K-$100K in NON-DISCHARGEABLE debt, right?!?! Just look at the graphs on the bottom of the page.

Here is the commode’s viewbook. Look at the following nuggets of “wisdom”: “long hours in the law library have ways of bringing out the best in people” on page 6; “where you can advocate social justice – and have a social life” at page 17; and “believe it or not, the world definitely needs more lawyers” on page 3. I wonder why the $chool would $ay $uch thing$.

Conclusion: This is another overpriced Catholic commode. The school bills itself as an institution that cares about public service. Yet, this religious school does not see anything morally wrong with charging students $33,330 a year in tuition. If this is the best school you can get into – and you absolutely MUST be a lawyer – I suggest you re-take the LSAT. It is not worth taking out $75K-$120K in additional student loans, so that you can have a realistic chance of making $30K-$45K a year, upon graduation.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Unaccredited, Overpriced Piece of Trash: University of California, Irvine School of Law

Tuition and Fees: For the 2010-2011 school year, full-time tuition and required fees for in-state residents total $40,550.50. Would you like to know the cost for a non-California resident? (Are you sure?!) For out-of-state students, attending full-time, these costs amount to $50,573.50 – for the same academic year.

What’s that you say lemming? The commode’s first entering class received full-tuition scholarships, the second class received half-tuition scholarships, and now the third class will receive 1/3 scholarships?! Well, guess what? Tuition at this school remains prohibitive. Also, at some point in time, the school will not provide such generous financial aid awards. Plus, do you see the UC Irvine Sewer of Law decreasing tuition?!?!

Total Cost of Attendance: In the worst-case scenario, i.e. out-of-state student living off campus, the school estimates that the nine month student budget will amount to $23,815. This would bring the estimated COA to $74,388.50 – over nine months.

Seeing that actual students need to live for 12 months – as opposed to nine – here is a more accurate COA, for such a poor soul. Housing/living costs would be $23,753; travel would account for $3,244; and personal costs would add up to $3,072. We add this to the unaffected expense for law books, i.e. $1,908, and reach additional costs of $31,972. When added to the out-of-state tuition charge, we can see that this poor bastard would be backhanded with a total COA – for one year – of $82,530.50. Anyone foolish enough to attend this commode in the Fall will be realistically looking at MONSTROUS DEBT.

Ranking: Seeing that this school is not yet fully-accredited by the ABA, the school has not been included in the US News & World Report rankings. Who knows? One day, it might land in the top 100 law schools.

“The Law School makes no representation to any applicant that it will be approved by the American Bar Association prior to the graduation of any matriculating student.”

Who wouldn’t want to slap down $40,550.50 – or $50,573.50 – per year, for a chance to earn a JD from this place?!?! Then again, the ABA is happy to accredit just about any building with several bookshelves, some desks, running water, a printer and a fax machine as a law school.

Employment Prospects: Everyone in the school’s inaugural class of 60 students allegedly had jobs lined up for their first summer; most of these were public interest jobs. However, seeing that the first class does not graduate until May 2012, it might be difficult to “network” with fellow alumni.

Furthermore, students at this trash pit are not yet eligible to sit for the California bar exam.

“University of California, Irvine School of Law students are not eligible to register until the school receives provisional ABA approval. We are hopeful approval will be granted in spring 2011.”

Potential Upside:,_Irvine_School_of_Law

“UC Irvine Law aspires to be a top 20 law school, although they have not been in existence long enough to be officially ranked by US News.”

Yeah – and I aspire to have a threesome with Jessica Alba and Salma Hayek this weekend. Maybe Jessica will let me put her ankles behind her head.

Conclusion: This school is an unaccredited, overpriced sewer. It hopes to one day land in the top 20 law schools. However, this is one hell of a gamble to make on one’s future. For the foreseeable future, this school’s students will be trampled by the graduates of USC and UCLA JDs – at least with regards to finding jobs. The Regents of the Univer$iTTTy of California decided to open a law school NOT because there is a greater need for lawyers – but because they see this as a cash cow for the university system. I know that the state is financially broke, but this is supposed to be a PUBLIC SCHOOL. On top of all this, the school is preparing its students and graduates to enter public service.

Do not enter this law school UNLESS you: (a) come from a very wealthy background and money is not an issue; (b) want some more letters behind your name; (c) do not mind spending/wasting three years of your life reading parsed public record, i.e. appellate court decisions; and (d) do not care whether you become a lawyer.

Otherwise, one could be easily looking at $170K-$240K in NON-DISCHARGEABLE debt, after three years. At that level, even a Biglaw job would not make this a wise investment. Then again, UC Irvine law students will not need to worry much about Biglaw.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Second Tier Clogged Toilet: Loyola Law School Los Angeles

As homage to Loyola 2L, I am profiling Loyola Law Sewer Los Angeles. Loyola 2L posted several comments on the Wall Street Journal Law Blog, back in 2007, which highlighted the problems with American “legal education.” He helped paved the way for the scam-blog movement.

Tuition: For the 2010-2011 school year, a full-time student will be charged $41,480 in tuition and fees – for the “privilege” of attending Loyola Law School Los Angeles. Yes, that figure is in US currency.

Total Cost of Attendance: The school estimates that room and board; books and supplies; personal expenses, transportation costs; and loan fees will add another $26,402 to the tab. This would bring the total estimated COA to $67,882 - for the 2010-2011 academic year alone!!

Ranking: Jump for joy, Loyola Marymount University Law hopefuls! This school is ranked, by US News & World Report, as the 56th greatest, most phenomenal, amazing, exhilarating law school in the entire United States. Yay!!

However, this commode was supposedly ranked 23rd by the Cooley Rankings, in 2008. And those are the ratings that legal employers care about, right?!?!

Alleged Employment Placement: The commode claims a graduate employment rate of “97%+ within nine months of graduation.” Yes, that figure seems very accurate – and Lauren Graham just locked her ankles around my waist, and dug her nails ¼” into my torso. Notice how these rats did not provide a breakdown of this placement rate?

Average Student Indebtedness: US News reports the average student indebtedness for Loyola’s Class of 2009 at $125,264. This would make this school’s graduates the seventh-most indebted law class. Furthermore, 86% of this particular graduating class took out law school debt.

Faculty and Administrator Pay: Go to page 41 of this university’s 2009 Form 990. From there, we can see that Dean Victor J. Gold made $328,483 in TOTAL COMPENSATION for 2008. Yes, Victor made $232,105 in base compensation; $26,500 in bonus and incentive compensation; $20,147 in “other” compensation; $21,850 in deferred compensation; and $27,881 in non-taxable benefits.

That is not all. Former dean of the law school and L2L punching bag, David Burcham, made $393,851 in TOTAL COMPENSATION - for 2008, as well. He was named president of the university in 2008. Way to look out for your students, David, by keeping the tuition so affordable.

What’s that you say, Lemming? You can write onto the Loyola of Los Angeles Entertainment Law Review?!?! Yes, I am sure that women in bars will find you irresistible - and employers will likewise salivate over you.

Entering GPA and LSAT Scores: According to this site, the 75th percentile of Loyola Class of 2009 students scored a 163 on the LSAT. Those 25th percentile had a score of 159. Those in the 75th percentile had a UGPA of 3.58, whereas those in the 25th percentile earned a 3.16 GPA during undergrad. The higher figures are decent numbers, and yet these students are finding it very difficult to find employment upon graduation! This might possibly have something to do with a shrinking lawyer job market.

However, this supposed “Fact Sheet” lists the employment rate as 95%+ within nine months of graduation. This appears to be a newer version. I guess the recession/restructuring of the American economy did have a negligible effect on Loyola JDs.

Conclusion: This school is a GROSSLY OVERPRICED, Jesuit rat-hole. The Roman Catholic Church has committed some horrendous crimes, during its lengthy history. I recognize that these atrocities have occurred largely in the past. However, consigning LEGIONS of present-day law graduates to a lifetime of debt servitude is CLEARLY not something Jesus would do, either.

Remember, Loyola Law Sewer students, you will be competing against Cal-Berkeley, Stanford, USC and UCLA JDs for the scarce number of decent jobs out there. Would you take out $130K-$190K and make such a terrible bet?!?! Because that is exactly what you will be doing if you have the gall to attend this stench pit. The school simply wants your money. They do not give one damn what happens to you, upon graduation. Unless you are a trust fund baby, stay the hell away from this stink pit.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Pass the Toilet Paper: Fourth Tier Toilet Thomas Goode Jones School of Law at Faulkner University

Tuition: A full-time student attending this law school, for the 2010-2011 school year, will be charged $31,000. Yes, that is the Christian thing to do, isn’t it?! So much for integrity and ethical conduct, huh?!

Ranking: So what if nobody outside of Montgomery, AL has heard of this sewer of law? Surely, the educational experience and “intellectual stimulation” will be worth every penny (of borrowed money), right?!?! For some reason, US News & World Report has this school listed in the fantastic fourth tier of American law schools. This couldn’t possibly have anything to do with the fact that this school sucks ass, could it?!?!

Career Prospects: “The CSO staff does not guarantee jobs or provide placement services but works to empower students and alumni with the skills necessary to conduct an effective job search at any stage of a career.”

Why doesn’t the commode simply flush this entire department, and print off some handouts to aid students interested in finding a job?

At least, these cretins are able to publish their graduates’ bar passage rates. Apparently, 91.7 percent of 2010 Faulkner Law grads passed the bar exam, on the first try. I am sure they will be pleased with their accomplishment when they are bagging groceries at Publix Super Market. Perhaps these graduates will be proud of their law license when they are serving cocktails and steak fries at Moody’s Sports Bar.

Average Law Student Indebtedness: USN&WR lists the average student indebtedness for Faulker’s JD Class of 2009 as $74,674. Furthermore, this chart shows that 86% of this unfortunate graduating class took on additional debt for law school.

Faculty and Administrator Pay: Head over to page 28 of this university’s 2009 Form 990. There, you will see that Charles I. Nelson made $198,387 in TOTAL COMPENSATION for 2008. Yes, this “educator” made $178,701 in base compensation; $10,449 in deferred compensation; and $9,237 in non-taxable benefits. In fact, Chuck Nelson made more than the university president, Billy Hilyer – who only made $195,920 in TOTAL COMPENSATION, for the same tax year.

Potential Upside:

Ooh. The law school was named as one of the 172 best, most exhilarating and amazing law schools in the U.S., by TTThe PrinceTTTon Review. Congratulations! Then again, Florida InTTTTernaTTTTional UniversiTTTTy also made the cut.

I’m surprised “Joey’s Deli, Gas & Law School” didn’t make the list. Maybe they didn’t have a fax machine or enough paper towels in the men’s restroom.

Towards the bottom of the page, you can see that NaTTTional Juri$TTT industry shill magazine has named Jones School of Law as one of its Best Value law schools. Truly impressive, isn’t it?!

Conclusion: This is an over-priced, purportedly Christian commode. Would Jesus charge $31K a year to those who have about the same chance of practicing law as a housecat? Make sure to keep your little Thomas Goode Jones law degree handy; you may need it to wipe your ass – especially when you are applying for jobs at temp hag agencies.

Speaking of highly-educated housecats, check out this page. This cat’s owner only had to pay $399 for the pet to receive a BA and an MBA from Trinity Southern University. Colby Nolan even received a transcript showing that he had “earned” a 3.5 GPA. I guess he was able to use his diploma to line his litter box. The point is that TTTThoma$ Goode Jone$ $chool of Law at Faulkner Univer$iTTTTy is not much better than this diploma mill. In fact, Faulkner is a bigger piece of waste. The cat did not need to piss away three years of his life – or re-pay six figures in student loans. Taking out $100K in NON-DISCHARGEABLE student loans for a realistic chance to make $33K upon graduation is a stupid financial decision.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Third Tier Corroded Excrement: Cumberland School of Law at Samford University

Tuition: For the 2010-2011 school year, a full-time student at this law school will be charged $32,900 in tuition.

Total Cost of Attendance: According to this same page, room/board, technology fee, books/supplies, transportation, miscellaneous expenses, loan fees and the activity fee will amount to another $21,180. This would bring the total estimated COA – for this single year of law school – to $55,080!!

Ranking: The cost of attendance is a little steep, to say the least. The school’s sterling, impeccable reputation will certainly justify the cost, right?!?! Somehow, US News & World Report has listed Cumberland in the corroded third tier of American law schools. Seeing that such students will be facing TTT job prospects upon graduation, one wonders why the hell tuition is so high.

Purported Employment Rate: This school published that 95.65% of its 2009 graduates passed the bar on the first attempt. We all know that bar passage does not equal gainful employment, let alone a position as a lawyer. Furthermore, the school states that 94.8 percent of its Class of 2009 was “employed or enrolled in a full-time graduated degree program within nine months of graduation.” Sure they were - and I feasted on Jessica Alba’s torso this Thanksgiving weekend.

Average Student Indebtedness: According to US News, the average indebtedness of 2009 Cumberland Law grads who incurred law school debt was $102,106. This publication also shows that fully 80 percent of this commode’s 2009 graduating class incurred law school debt.

Law Faculty and Administrator Salaries: Take a look at page 28 of Samford University’s 2009 Form 990. We will see if the “professors” and administrator of this third tier commode are experiencing the same financial distress as their students and graduates. Look, John Carroll, dean of the law $chool, made $279,545 in TOTAL COMPENSATION - for 2008. Doesn’t that make your heart glow?!

Thomas B. Bishop, “scholar” in the area of Contracts, made $229,934 in TOTAL COMPENSATION, for the same tax year. Charles Cole and Alexander Bolla, former “law professors” at this in$TTTiTTTuTTTion, “respectively” made $302,936 and $273,557 in TOTAL COMPENSATION - for 2008, as well.

Dean’s Blog: Look at the entry for 2/23/10.

“One of the important messages we try to communicate to our students involves public interest. A law degree is a tool of empowerment and it is important that we use that tool to give back to the community.”

This steaming bag of hot gas goes on:

“Today is another important step in connecting our students to a public interest practice. The Cumberland Career Services Office is holding its annual Public Interest Career Fair. This event has grown exponentially over the past few years. In the law school Great Room, there are over 35 groups including government agencies and non-profit organizations in attendance.” [Emphasis mine]

By looking at the tax form above, we can see that this bastard makes deep six figures as an “educator” and administrator. This pig made $279,545 in TOTAL COMPENSATION – for 2008 – and he has the nerve, the sheer audacity, to tell his students that they need to give back to the community?!?!? Tell me, John Carroll, how does flushing out more TTT grads into a glutted attorney market “serve the public”?!

Furthermore, he chooses to go by “The Honorable” John L. Carroll. Maybe you can email this swine at and ask him what is so “honorable” about him - or his choice to charge $32,900 in tuition to students, many of whom can look forward to making $35K annually upon graduation.

Conclusion: This school is simply contributing to the gross over-saturation of the American lawyer job market. The school charges $32,900 for a third tier, fourth-rate “legal education.” If you are still foolish enough to consider attending law school, ask yourself the following: “How will you be served by taking on $100K-$160K in NON-DISCHARGEABLE student debt – for a law degree from a third tier school?!

If you have a strong desire to help those in need, you can do so without joining the ranks of the less fortunate. Going into public service does not require you to take out a mountain NON-DISCHARGEABLE debt. You need not take a vow of poverty to help others. In the final analysis, this school is an overpriced diploma mill. Avoid this school as you would an HIV-infected prostitute.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Can You Say “Lawyer Overproduction”? Iowa’s Attorney Population Has Increased by 32 Percent in the Last Nine Years

As of September 14, 2010, Iowa only gained 264 more attorneys. Also, 89.189% of all test-takers passed the bar exam, i.e. 264/296. I know, for a fact, that many of the people on this list are NOT working as attorneys.

Oh well. I am sure they are happy with that investment they made in themselves. And I am certain that Sallie Mae and the other student lending pigs will be more than happy to work with the under-employed and unemployed grads, too. I’m also pretty confident that Salma Hayek will throw me on the kitchen floor and climb on top of me this Thanksgiving, as well.

Apparently, 65 more people passed the February 2010 Iowa bar exam. This means that the Iowa Bar added 329 more members for 2010. Because Iowa is in such dire need of more lawyers, right?!?!

According to this document, 2,137 attorneys were added to Iowa’s rolls in the 8 years from 2002-2009. This does not include those who passed the 2010 exam. Adding those, 2,466 Iowa attorneys were admitted in the last 9 years. Keep in mind this does not count lawyers who were admitted under reciprocity agreements. (To be fair, some attorneys licensed in Iowa are admitted in several states, and may not actually reside in the state.)

The US Census Bureau estimates that there were 3,007,856 people residing in Iowa – as of 2009. You can also see that the Census shows that the population of this state increased by 2.8% from April 1, 2000 to July 1 2009 - whereas total U.S. population increased by 9.1 percent during this same time.

These figures were compiled by the American Bar Association Market Research Department. Yet the bastards cannot tell us how many lawyers are unemployed or barely subsisting. Anyway, this chart purports to show the number of licensed attorneys by state. We can see that Iowa had 7,036 licensed lawyers as of December 31, 2008. Since that time, 290 were added in 2009 and 329 more in 2010. In the last two years alone, Iowa’s lawyer population increased by 8.8 percent!!

Going off the Iowa bar results for the last two years, plus the ABA chart referenced above, we can say there are about 7,655 attorneys in the state. Of that amount, 2,466 were admitted in the last 9 years. This represents an increase of 32.2% in the last nine years. Well, we already know from the U.S. Census Bureau that Iowa’s population only increased by an estimated 2.8% from April 1, 2000 to July 1, 2009.

What’s that you say, persistent moron preparing to take the LSAT for the third time?! The state can handle 7,655 attorneys? Let’s put that to the test.

Going by the figures above, there is one licensed attorney for every 392.9 Iowa residents, i.e. 3,007,856/7,655. So, it has not reached the saturation level of New York or DC. However, a state such as Iowa does not require a ton of lawyers. This might explain why so many of these recently admitted Iowa attorneys are unable to find legal positions.

Then again, the University of Iowa Commode of Law keeps publishing the following info:

Percentage Employed Overall

Class of 2009 - 97%
Class of 2008 - 100%
Class of 2007 - 99%
Class of 2006 - 99%
Class of 2005 - 99%

Apparently, University of Iowa Law grads are immune to that whole economic recession/depression thing.

Even Third Tier Drake, based out of that third tier city, Des Moines, claims a 94.7% employment placement rate – within 9 months of graduation, of course. This school has the outright audacity to say that 94.7% of its graduates are employed within nine months, even though these four “Honors” and “High Honors” graduates felt the need to start their own toiletlaw firm.

In the last analysis, there are too many lawyers in the state of Iowa. How the hell can a population that has grown by 2.8% in over 9 years support a 32% increase in the number of attorneys, over largely the same nine year period?!?! The population increase in attorneys is essentially 11.5 times greater than the increase in the state’s general population.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Second Tier Sweltering Stench Pit: University of Miami School of Law

Tuition and Fees: For the 2010-2011 school year, a full-time student at this institution will pay $38,024 in tuition and fees!

Total Cost of Attendance: According to this same document, the school estimates that a student living off-campus will pay $22,034 in room & board, books & supplies, transportation and personal expenses. This would bring the total COA for the current academic year to $60,058. For those living with mommy and daddy, the total COA for this same school year is estimated at a mere $48,934.

Ranking: The cost is a little steep. However, the school’s ranking will certainly justify this expense, correct?!?! Well, a publication calling itself US News & World Report lists this as the 60th greatest, most fantastic and amazing law school in the land. The Univer$iTTy of Miami Sewer of Law shares this prestigious honor with three other “elite” schools - University of Houston, Georgia State University, and University of Tennessee-Knoxville.

Alleged Employment Rate: “Our most recent statistics show that 98 percent of UM Law graduates seeking employment obtained positions or pursued further graduate studies within nine months of graduation.”

Ninety-eight percent - with no graphs or breakdown. Yeah, and Lauren Graham just broke into my house, tied me up to the bed, climbed on top of me, and used my torso as a scratching pad. (Notice that this dump also lists a total enrollment of 1,300 students.)

Average Student Indebtedness: According to USN&WR, the average indebtedness of 2009 University of Miami Law grads who incurred law school debt was $87,272. This chart shows that 77 percent of this commode’s 2009 graduating class incurred law school debt.

Don’t forget that past-president of the ABA, Carolyn Lamm, graduated from this commode in 1973. With regard to the law schools’ self-reported employment figures, the ABA is apparently still in the contemplative stage of the review process.

Isn’t this the sign of prosperity? On June 30, 2009, the dean at the University of Miami Sewer of Law offered $5,000 "Public Interest Deferral Scholarships" to those who deferred enrollment for one year and performed 120 hours of public service. Patricia White sent the email to the entire incoming class.

We Will Pay You to “Hire” Our Graduates:

“The latest sign of law grads' dire straits comes from Coral Gables, where the University of Miami is trying to bolster the grim market for the 350 new lawyers set to graduate next spring by offering their services — for free.

The program, called the Legal Corps, will place graduating students without job offers at public interest organizations or judicial chambers. The firms and courts will pay nada, while UM will pick up a $2,500 monthly stipend.”

Yes, what a great law school, huh?!?! After all, they are not paying $5,000 a month for each placement in public interest positions. Think about this for a second, stupid lemming. You are looking at taking out $90K-$160K for a law degree - and the 60th best law school in the United States must resort to this measure?! Do you get the message?!

UM Law pays $2,500 a month stipend so that their otherwise unemployed graduates will be “placed” in public interest organizations. That doesn’t smell of desperation, does it? Yet another indicator that the legal job market is about to turn the corner, right?!?!

Conclusion: This school is an overpriced piece of filth. It needs to pay non-profits to “hire” its unemployed graduates. And these pigs still have the nerve to claim a 98% employment rate. The dean of the law school offered $5,000 in scholarship money to incoming 2009 students who deferred admission for one year!!! What does that tell you, dolt?

If you need further proof of the extent of the “higher education” scam, then take a look at this tax document:

Go to pages 18-20 of this 2009 Form 990. While no law faculty member made this list, we can see that Oompa-Loompa/university president Donna Shalala is way overpaid - as the troll made $945,899 plus $231,568 in other compensation!!

On page 20, you can see that the entire university made $509,022,178 in tuition and fees! Taking all of these revenue streams into account from columns A and B, we can see that the University of Miami took in $1,754,092,908 in TAX EMEMPT REVENUE - for 2008!!!! Imagine any other industry where you could make $1.754 billion, in one year, and not pay any taxes on that amount. (I suppose churches do the same thing, but it is nonetheless repulsive.)

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Profiles in Selling Out: Jeffrey Sean Lehman, Dean of Peking University School of Transnational Law

Check out this National JurisTTT article entitled “ABA prepares to accredit schools outside U.S.” Sit back and enjoy as I rip into Jeffrey Sean Lehman, “scholar,” sellout and academic administrator. I am going to light this son of a bitch up light a Christmas tree!

“At a time when many worry that American influence around the world is declining in everything from finance to manufacturing, this is a development to be celebrated, said Lehman, who was previously president of Cornell University and the dean of the University of Michigan Law School.”

Ass-Clown drones on:

“[Accreditation] tells a student from Oklahoma that it is not a waste to spend $40,000 a year to attend law school in Arkansas.”

What a lying sack of excrement.

"Like many that support this ABA effort, Lehman believes this move would only improve legal education – and the practice of law – significantly."

Big $urpri$e, huh?!?! As the self-interested dean of a Chinese law school, I am sure Jeffrey is very absorbed in seeing how the ABA decides this issue. We all KNOW the pigs and cockroaches at the ABA have already made up their minds, so there is no need to pretend that there is any suspense.

Initially, [accreditation of overseas law schools] will produce a glut of U.S.-trained lawyers, making it harder for lawyers to make a living as a private practitioner, particularly in larger cities, which is where most law graduates prefer to live,” [William] Henderson said.” [Emphasis mine]

From May 29, 2008:

“The School of Transnational Law at Peking University's campus in the mainland city of Shenzhen, just north of Hong Kong, will enroll its first class of 55 students this fall. According to Lehman the new law school plans to seek accreditation from the American Bar Association so that graduates can take the New York state bar exam. [Emphasis mine]

Because New York does not have enough lawyers, right?!?!

“The new law school will offer all its courses in English, teach cases from the United States and use professors from American law schools to teach most of its courses.”

No wonder American “law professors” love the idea!! They want job security. They don’t want to work in the “honorable, esteemed profession of law.”

Jeffrey, talk to William Henderson, and see how well “law professors” are training future legal practitioners. Read that piece and see the effects of globalization on the American legal job market. How do you think flooding the U.S. market with LEGIONS of foreign law school grads might impact it further? Can you figure that out with your mathematics degree from Cornell, and MPP/JD from the University of Michigan?!?! Or do you need me to draw it out for you in Crayola?!

Check out your future competition and weep. When you re-pay your student loans while working at State Farm Insurance, make sure to keep your depression meds handy.

You can also see that this pig serves on the Board of Infosys Technologies, based out of Bangalore. He is an “independent” Director. By the way, Infosys is a leader in “applications outsourcing” and “business practices outsourcing.”

“In 2005, Peking University awarded Mr. Lehman an honorary doctorate degree in recognition of his service as a bridge between scholars in the United States and China.”

The ABA considers accrediting overseas law schools. Yes, that is a splendid idea, huh?!

In the last analysis, Jeffrey Lehman knows all about return on investment. He wants to make his investors and Board members happy, i.e. put more money into these pigs’ pockets. He does not care that his decisions have resulted in major job losses in the U.S. In fact, the swine wants to remove more jobs from our shores. In sum, the man has no integrity. This is how he plans to put more money in his bank account. Keep this in mind, if you are still considering law school. Why spend $120K in non-dischargeable loans, when you will soon be facing even more competition? Remember, these foreign law schools are offering all their courses in English.

Don’t forget that the ABA Standing Committee on “Ethics and Professional Responsibility” issued ABA “Ethics” Opinion 08-451 on August 5, 2008. This allows foreign lawyers AND non-lawyers to engage in American legal discovery. This has already had a major impact on the shrinking American legal job market.

Hell, the ninth-ranked University of Michigan Law School is encouraging its students to work in India, for Pangea3. At least, this piece of trash
– who served as chair of the committee – died at age 53, after scarfing down a business lunch.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Merciless, Miserable Fourth Tier Dung Pile: University of Detroit Mercy School of Law

Tuition: For the unfortunate soul who decides to enter this stink-hole as a full-time law student, tuition for the 2010-2011 school year stands at $33,930! Yes, the sky is the limit, right?!

Total Cost of Attendance: Under the worst-case scenario, i.e. full-time status and living off-campus, a student will look at spending $23,728 in books & supplies; SBA dues; room, board & personal; transportation, parking, computer equipment; and loan fees. This would take the total COA - for one year – to $57,658.

Keeping in mind that this is a nine-month estimate by the law school, we can figure out that twelve month living expenses will add $5,115 to the tab, i.e. ($15,346/9)* 12. Transportation costs for the full year will add another $968 to the cost, i.e. ($2,904/9) * 12. This would bring the more accurate COA for the 2010-2011 academic year to $63,741.

Ranking: Do I even need to ask about this dump? As you can see, US News & World Report clearly lists this school as a member of fourth tier wasteland.

Employment and Starting Salary Figures: None listed, but you can have Lunch with a Lawyer. Oh wow! Unless Lauren Graham is playing a lawyer who is cross-examining me in bed, I’m not interested. Of course, you will probably get stuck with some PI hack, eating Fritos and bean dip - in his dinky toiletlaw office. And look! “Career Services” is nice enough to provide links to Simplicity,, and Solo Practice Workshop!! Don’t forget to attend those fifth-rate career fairs, lemmings. (However, you would certainly be MUCH better served by receiving a blow job in the law library.)

Average Student Indebtedness: According to USN&WR, the average indebtedness of 2009 DeTTTTroiTTTT Mercy Law grads who incurred law school debt was $107,139. To make matters worse, 81% of this unfortunate 2009 graduating class incurred law school debt.

Faculty and Administrative Pay: Now, let’s contrast the debt load of the students with the fat salaries of faculty members. For this info, we head over to page 17 of this 2009 Form 990.

We can see that then-dean Mark Gordon made $266,135 in TOTAL COMPENSATION – for 2008! “Professor of law” Stephen Mazurak made $187,228 in TOTAL COMPENSATION for the same tax year.

Distinguished Alumni: Yes, this list has people shaking in their boots. The second-most recent entry is for a 1997 graduate named Catherine Dritsas. I mean, who would dare cross this solo family law practitioner?! Also, 12 of the 15 distinguished alumni featured on this list graduated in the 1960s through the 1980s – with one from 1949. Oh well. I suppose “greatness” only occurs a few times in a generation.

Look at this SHAMELESS “professor’s” blog.

From May 8, 2010:

“The new post 9-11 G.I. Bill went into effect in August 2009. All veterans who served honorably at least 90 days after September 11, 2001 are eligible. The program covers the cost of the education up to the most expensive public education institution in the individual state. For some private universities, all or a portion of the remaining tuition is covered by the “yellow ribbon” program. The VA matches dollar for dollar, any contributions made by the individual universities.

University of Detroit Mercy is one of the few universities in Michigan to be part of the “yellow ribbon” program. Veterans may pursue not only undergraduate programs but also graduate programs, including the study of law.”

As you can see, this festering sack of fecal matter does not care if it needs to appeal to people’s emotions – in order to get more money from the federally-backed student loan system. While these veterans will ostensibly not incur any debt, the reality is that many of them will not be able to land a legal position, upon graduation. But, when have the law schools ever given a damn about that, anyway?!

Conclusion: This school is such a terrible joke that you need to land in the top 5 students in the class – to have a shot at decent employment!! You want mercy?! Take your ass to church. Beg forgiveness of those you wronged. This school will not have any such mercy on those who naively enter its doors. What does this diploma mill have to offer? “We are located in lovely, cosmopolitan Detroit”?!?!

Do you want to take out $130K for a worthless product? If your friends, girlfriend/wife and family expect you to make something of yourself, you look those bastards square in the eye and tell them that the family pet has a better chance of practicing law than a DeTTTTroiTTTT Mercy JD does.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Waste of Space: Wayne State University Law School

[Disclaimer: I generally leave state schools alone. However, some public law schools are so heinous and condemnable, that they have earned a TTR profile. Such is the case with Wayne State. Plus, I just beat the hell out of TTTThoma$ M. Cooley once again.]

Furthermore, several months ago I sent a letter to John Conyer’s office, asking him as chair of the house committee on the judiciary to look into the false and misleading statements and figures from the law school industry. (Before anyone points this out, I deliberately used lower-case letters; the “lawmakers” have NO RESPECT for you plebeians. Why should we have any reverence for these pigs, or their office?!)

Seeing that his committee initiated the Fraud Enforcement and Recovery Act to go after mortgage lenders, one would think that Conyers would want to help defrauded students and graduates. Perhaps, his TTT law degree from Wayne $TTTaTTTe Univer$iTTTy is affecting his vision.

Then again, this third tier graduate had his Driver’s License suspended this past summer – because he paid his renewal fee with a check that was not covered by sufficient funds!!,0,2166529.story

That’s okay. The super-intelligent voters in Detroit re-elected this 81 year-old man to his 24th term in Congress!! Now, we go to the meat and potatoes of this entry.

Tuition: For the 2010-2011 academic year, a full-time, in-state student attending Wayne State University Law School will pay $23,871.50 in tuition and fees, i.e. ($780.80*15) + ($223.75 in fees) per semester. I even called the registrar’s office at this commode to confirm that the ominous-sounding “omnibus credit hour fee” is a single charge of $35.70 per semester. Out-of-state, full time law students at this institution will pay $26,187.50 in tuition and fees for this school year.

Ranking: Look, this school is firmly planted in the third tier of American law schools – according to US News & World Report. Yes, legal employers will be THRILLED to receive your resume, writing sample and cover letter, right?!?!

Employment and Starting Salary Statistics: The bastards do not offer any listing or chart of purported job placement of starting salary figures. But they do offer links to Simplicity - and a Career Service Office blog! Check out this gem of an entry:

“Apparently the recession officially ended earlier this year. Indeed, major bleeding within the legal profession generally has stopped. “Major bleeding,” in this context, means widespread layoffs at large law firms and deep cuts in-house within struggling industries, such as finance and automotive. So, there is a basis for thinking that the job market for attorneys must be turning for the better.”

“The determination that the U.S. recession ended in June 2009, made by a panel of private economists who are the arbiters of business cycles, confirms that the 18-month downturn was the longest recession of the post-World War II era.”

Yes, a blue ribbon panel of out-of-touch economics scholars, i.e. the National Bureau of Economic Research declared that the recession ended in June 2009, so it must be so, right?!?! These pencil-neck corporate tools need to get out of their little office and tell this to the unemployed workers with advanced degrees, or to the legions of unemployed and underemployed people in this nation. Do yourself a favor and look at the impact LPOs are having on American legal positions.

Average Student Indebtedness: According to US News, the average indebtedness of 2009 Wayne $TTTaTTTe Univer$iTTTy Law $chool grads who incurred law school debt was $61,180. Furthermore, NINETY PERCENT of this unfortunate 2009 graduating class incurred law school debt.

Faculty and Administrator Salary Info: According to this document, the average annual salary for a full-time “law professor” – at this third tier commode – was $111,200 for the 2009-2010 school year.

Conclusion: This school is a laughingstock for good reason. It provides a “legal education” for those who would otherwise not attend law school. It puts its students and graduates into significant student loan debt – and then dumps them out into an anemic legal job market. Why should anyone take out $60K-$100K in NON-DISCHARGEABLE student loan debt for a worthless product, i.e. a law degree from Wayne State?!

If this is the best school you can get into - and you ABSOLUTELY MUST be an attorney - then you need to re-take the LSAT. If you do not care about the overwhelming odds that you will practice law, or the debt load, then go out and do what you want. In the end, your choice to attend this piece of trash will not add one dime to my student loan debt.
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