Sunday, April 25, 2010
Fourth Tier Waste Site: Hamline University School of Law
After steamrolling over UST and Thomas Mengler, the TTR Express is extending its stay in Minneapolis - and will now focus on the other commodes of law in the area. Today, we highlight the Hamline Sewer of Law.
Tuition: For a full-time student at this presTTTTigious institution of academic excellence, tuition will amount to $33,022 for the 2010-2011 school year. There is also $384 in required fees for Hamline students.
Ranking: Hamline is ranked in the phenomenal fourth tier of American law schools. Yay!
Employment and Starting Salary Prospects: According to the school’s SELF-REPORTED, un-audited figures, 95.4% of the Class of 2008 was employed – presumably within 9 months of graduation. And Hamline JDs can look forward to making an average salary of $69,567 – at least using the Class of 2008 as a barometer. The school also claims that the median salary for the Class of 2008 was $52,000.
Some questions to ask: How many people responded to the graduate survey sent out by the school? What percentage of respondents reported salary info to the school?” How many Hamline JDs are working as bouncers for The Annex, or as bartenders at 331 Club? How many are driving for the Minneapolis Taxi Cab Co, or for their competitor, Rainbow Taxi? How many Hamline-educated attorneys are proudly teaching salsa lessons/workshops at The Four Seasons Dance Studio? How many of these “legal professionals” are working the concession stand at Minnesota Twins home games?!
Basically, your job prospects are weaker than moist excrement – if you go to a TTTT. What’s that you say? You were research editor of the Journal of Law & Religion? Well, why didn’t you say that earlier? That changes everything! Now, you WILL be more marketable than a JD from U. of Minnesota or from schools such as Notre Dame, Michigan, and Northwestern. Actually, your resume and your (big ass) diploma will still say “Hamline University School of Law” on it. Damn.
So, what does Hamline TTTT have going for it?
Yes, nothing says “world class”, quite like a part-time weekend program, right?! Honestly, who doesn’t want to spend their Saturdays and Sundays in the classroom, learning about the Model Penal Code and “minimum contacts”?
Dean’s blog: “I apologize that it's been so long since I've visited with you on this blog page. It's been a very busy semester for me, in large part because I am also teaching. I'm happy to be back in the classroom and I hope that my White Collar Crime students feel the same way."
Yes, I’m sure teaching a class this semester has really put a lot of strain on you, Donald. Maybe your White Collar Crime students will get the opportunity to put your ass behind bars for fraud, i.e. intentionally distorted employment and starting salary figures. If they can find work that is! Who knows? Maybe some of them will have a spouse support them as they hang out their own shingle. Everyone, feel free to post comments on Donald’s blog entries. I will leave one, as well. I don’t imagine he will approve my comments though.
Conclusion: “Discover the Hamline Difference”?! The school is a pathetic joke. It charges too much in the way of tuition, and provides its graduates with garbage employment prospects. How does that differ from the other TTTs out there?
DO NOT ATTEND THIS DUMP, UNLESS THE FOLLOWING FOUR FACTORS APPLY TO YOUR SITUATION: (a) you receive a full-tuition scholarship that is NOT CONTINGENT on your class rank; (b) you are living at home with your parents or relatives and will only incur minimal living expenses; (c) you work a crap job and you have no prospects for earning more than $10-$12 an hour, any time in the foreseeable future; and (d) you have employment lined up with a friend, relative, or business/political connection BEFORE going to law school.
If ANY of these factors do not apply to you, then do not attend this school. For example, if you are offered a full scholarship but you currently make $55K a year, DO NOT TAKE THE BAIT. You will find it hard to get back into your prior industry, as you may suddenly find yourself “overqualified” for the job/task you previously performed well. (Isn’t this the richest of ironies, i.e. earning a TTTT law degree and being considered “overqualified”?) In sum, you do not need the extra credential this badly. You will not die, or leave this earth having lived a meaningless existence if you are not an attorney-at-law. If you do not get into a truly elite school, and you simply MUST be a lawyer, go to the cheapest school you can get into. Do yourself a favor and look up 11 U.S.C. § 523(a)(8).
Don’t stay mad at me – I just saved you about $150K in NON-DISCHARGEABLE debt (tuition plus living expenses). Plus, you can stay at your job where you will actually make some money and pay your bills.
Posted by Nando at 3:33 PM