Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Profiles in Brazen Ignorance: Hamilton Nolan

Typically, I enjoy beating up on law schools, industry apologist cockroaches, “law professors” and diploma mill administrators. Today, I have a rat named Hamilton Nolan in the TTR cross-hairs.

Hamilton, people visit this site so that they can see me profile law schools - not to read about the freaky-looking, banjo-playing kid from “Deliverance.” Currently, readers in Ohio expect me to feature their local TTTs. Then you had to go and write some dreck - and delay these reviews.

How’s it going, Bitch? Seeing that you have a last name for a first name - and a 12” neck - how many lockers did you get stuffed into as a kid?!

“The indignities heaped upon our nation's young attorneys continue to pile up like snowdrifts on the bleak city streets. Consider the plight of today's humble barristers: having spent the year confined to an office, they emerge to find...a bonus nightmare.”

In this piece, Gawker “staff writer” Hamilton Nolan decided to mock Biglaw associates who are supposedly lamenting their meager annual bonuses. I am not a fan of Biglaw and its corporate cockroach clients. (These crooks are often worse than the common street criminals.) Instead of noting the rise of LPOs - or focusing on ABA “Ethics” Opinion 08-451 - Hamilton chose to act as if Biglaw associate bonuses are a sign that the legal industry is picking up. The job market for American lawyers is shrinking, ass-monkey! Seriously, do some real research BEFORE spouting off on a topic you know nothing about. Why not focus on attorneys taking cases – from beginning to end – for $350?

We can see that Corky mockingly posted about law students’ gloomy job prospects back in August 2010, as well.

“Not long ago, America's best and brightest young greedy bastards were piling into expensive law schools, confident they'd soon be wealthy older bastards. Then, law degrees became worthless. It's gotten so bad, young lawyers have resorted to doing something respectable.

The NYT reports that hotshot young would-be corporate attorneys are stuck in a world of high law school debt and newly low chances of scoring that coveted partnership as a highly-paid corporate paper-pusher-for-hire, since old lawyers aren't even retiring any more. Desperate times call for desperate measures.”

Too bad the sallow rat did not dig deeper and discover that many of those who want to be public service attorneys will never get the chance - because of the lawyer glut and monstrous NON-DISCHARGEABLE student debt.

Let’s peruse this moron’s blog for a moment. Check out his take on Dick Cavett’s New York Times blog.

On the right hand side of the page, you can access his full profile. From there, you can see that Pencil-Neck calls his blog “Hamilton Nolan Says Smart Sh*t”. Hell, the next time you say something intelligent, moron, will be the first time you have done so.

Check out this interview with Gelf Magazine and “intellectual heavyweight” Hamilton Nolan.

Gelf Magazine: Before jumping over to Gawker, you were a staff reporter at PR Week. Were you at all intimidated by the new job? Commenters can be cutthroat, after all.

Hamilton Nolan: It was interesting. I was excited, more than intimidated. I liked the idea of being able to write more freely than you can just by being a standard reporter. The most fun thing to me is the freedom to write like a normal person, not just like a reporter.

[Read: “I can write like a bitch, and not worry about presenting objective facts - or conducting any meaningful research.]

Apparently, Gawker does not require much of its staff writers.

Hamilton, your “writing” style is similar to this tripe above. You simply pass on the misperception that lawyers are making it big, thereby feeding into the average person’s anger at the situation. The ignorant masses - including selfish Baby Boomers - then jump onboard with their foolish comments. In the end, you are no better than demagogues/pretentious douche-bags such as Bill O’Reilly, Glen Beck or Keith Olbermann. (At least those ass-clowns make serious cash for selling their souls.)

Do yourself a favor, Stupid Bitch, and adopt the following: (a) learn how to engage in thorough research; (b) present objective facts; and (c) don’t buzz your hair when you have a MASSIVE forehead and Dumbo ears. Perhaps, you can report on the fact that 44,000 JDs from the Class of 2009 competed for 28,901 jobs requiring bar passage – without telling debt-strapped JDs to “get a real job.”

Who knows? As a "journalist,"you might even be interested in the average student indebtedness incurred by those who attend law school. These are cold, hard facts that do not require idiotic commentary.


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Great work, Nando! Very thorough!

    And if anyone out there would like to drop Mr. Nolan a line, please do so at

  3. You took him down, Amanda! You should start calling funny-looking people BITCH in ALL CAPS for emphasis. Then you can post your photo next to Nolan's, so we can see what a manly man looks like.

  4. Tuesday, January 1, 2008
    Dick Cavett Must Be Stopped

    The New York Times does not have a job for you, but they do have a blog for Dick Cavett, a man in touch with the young and technologically savvy audience the paper needs so desperately to reach. Here, a helpful condensation of Cavett's take on these interwebs and the best part of his blogging job-- you!

    You might not guess that at least half the fun of doing this column is getting to read your “comments,” as they are called on the website... They’re literate, funny, well-composed and, in many cases, what I would call “publishable.” (With, of course, a real dumbo here and there for contrast.)... But back to your “mail” — as I call it... “Dear Dick Cavett: YOU LITTLE SAWED OFF FAGGOT COMMUNIST SHRIMP!”

    Dick Cavett, I am coming for you and your motherfucking commenters. Coming to get you. Oh yes I am.
    Posted by Hamilton Nolan at 7:23 PM 0 comments

    I don't know who this reporter is (and I'm not clear as to why you wasted an entry on him) but is seems like he might have some personal issues.

  5. Is that what happened to Opie Taylor? Nice bulbous head, btw.


    Is there no better way to describe the T3 and T4 Law Schools?

    May it God please me, with my life in total indebted Hell and SHIT to convey this message to any a younger and eager and independent mind out there....if such a mind does exist.

    Please do not take up with the Gypsies of the American Legal Profession in this day and age.

    They will only lead you to ruin and heartache, and eventual debtor's suicide.

    May God have Mercy on us all, and this unholy and Evil Industry called Law School in the USA in 2010.

    A once respectable pursuit, now taken over by the gypsies of a wild and savage world.

  7. I'd rather look at another toilet seat covered in diarrhea and vomit than look at this mongo.

  8. This comment has been removed by the author.


    "Here’s the asshole’s e-mail address, let this asshat know what you really think:

    "Ana Marie Cox sure did create a fucking monster, when she created that shit rag of a Blog."

    Someone already pulverized this jackass.

    And Nolan thinks it is cool to slap a virtual 'bitch.' I guess he'll be okay with Nando slapping him around then.

  10. Bitched slapped by Nando! Keep it coming 

    The "get a real job hippie/lawyer" comment in this douche’s post struck a real cord with me. I know some kid who drove cross country to MI the other day to attend Cooley. This kid has dreamt about being a lawyer since he was eight. His heart is in the right place, but academically this kid cannot cut it (Cooley was the only law school that would accept him with a LSAT score of 150). Unfortunately for this kid, Cooley accepting him will do him more harm than good. There is no way in hell this kid could transfer to a slightly higher ranked school unless he has a near perfect GPA for at least two semesters. From what I’ve read on-line, most law schools would not accept transfer students from Cooley. This kid will probably end up either practicing poo-law in MI (if he defies the odds) barely making ends meet, or end up coming back to NY to look for a non-attorney job to help pay off his debt.

    No, not everyone who attends law school desires to go into Big Law. There are some who want to serve the community and provide access to legal services at a reasonable cost. If this Hamilton dude would get off his damn ultra liberal pedal stool, this douche would realize that recent law grads have no other choice but to seek positions which pay at least $80K to make a dent in their student loans. People love to rank on attorneys, but the real shysters are not the attorneys—it’s the deans and professors of these low ranking law schools which profit off these kids who want to be attorneys, but may not have what it takes to make it in a real law school.

  11. Estimado Don Nando:

    Yo crei que usted se dedicaba a criticar a estos inodoros que pasan por universidades de derechos. Porque le dedicas espacio a este hijo de puta que se parece una chupacabra?

    Att. Jorge Rojas

  12. Someone should have told him that you're supposed to remove the hanger before putting the suit on.

  13. Hey, Nolan...nice head, dick.

  14. Hamilton Nolan=Chupacabra


  15. A Jorge:

    Prefiero golpear "los profesores de ley"/puercos sucios - y sus escuelas/inodoros - pero este raton deteste los estudiantes de ley y abogados desempleados. Hamilton El Raton no tiene compasion por sus destinos como esclavos de deuda. Mira a su articulos y su tono:

    "Did you do the stupid thing that a lot of people have done recently and go to law school, just because you're aimless and you figured it would be a productive use of time "in the long run?" Sucker."

    "USA Today reports that many recent law school grads have found themselves unable to access the traditional young attorney's method of blowing off steam—furtively downing gin in the office at ungodly hours—because they've been unable to find a job, with an office. Instead of being thankful for the friends they made along the way and things like that, these young whelps are rising up. Mostly by complaining on anonymous blogs! But some are taking it further[.]"

    If this ignorant bitch wants to paint all law students as greedy, selfish, soul-less idiots who deserve their fate, then I am going to smack him around.

    Kimber at “Shilling Me Softly” already slapped this fool around on her blog. I decided to give him the TTR treatment by slamming his massive head into a car door. In the end, this guy is not a serious reporter – by any definition. Gawker is a blog that is devoted to liberal pet issues. It appeals to people’s base emotions – and it does not even pretend to offer unfettered news.

    Hamilton, why don't you go after the "law professors" and diploma mill administrators who are making WELL INTO THE SIX FIGURES - for teaching archaic case law?!?! Perhaps, you can look into how schools doctor their employment and starting salary figures. The truth is out there. All you need to do is perform such basic research, and report on it. Gawker has a wide readership. Instead of acting like a tramp, you could actually impart some knowledge - and spread the word about the higher education scam.

  16. I wonder how many people with law degrees from the class of 2009 and 2010 make less then this "Timmy" from Southpark character guy you profile makes writing his stupid stories about lawyers.

    No wonder the law schools are filling up fast and the recent law graduates are depressed and angry.

  17. Wow! This Hamilton Nolan kid got so fucked. This site is brutal. Now he's being compared to a chupacabra? Damn.

  18. All that forehead and so little in the way of brains.

  19. A sort of fair-skinned Irish-like complexion of a pale and pinkish hue. Eyes--large and liquid and luminous. A crooked grin--encouraged by lips that are somewhat thin. A finely moulded and prominent chin--suggestive of moral, though somewhat misguided energy.

    These features, coupled with an inordinate expansion above the regions of the temple scantily covered by the stubble of rascally russet and wild hair, make up altogether a countenance not easily to be forgotten.

    OK, I confess, I borrowed, and added a bit from the lovely Edgar Allan Poe's description of Roderick Usher--so HN shouldn't be too offended.

  20. Which school will you profile next? It is important to set the tone for the new year. So please choose carefully. No pressure or anything. Just do what you do best and pick a school that you can unload on. Oh and happy new year to everyone.

  21. Yea, it's a shame. So many students will read that article and think it's 2006 again. I understand your frustration. But oh well, who cares. These douchebags won't listen

  22. This reporter doesn't have a clue about the legal profession. Chalk his attitude up to shadenfruede. Lawyers are unsympathetic creatures. Law students are usually socially retarded type A personality assholes to begin with. But they are not all selfish dogs. Why is this reporter letting the banks and universities off the hook? You'd think a liberal rag like Gawker would love knocking the banks around.

  23. Gee, I wonder where the author of the Gawker article could have possibly come across the idea that some associates at big law firms are unhappy with their bonuses. Hmm, let me think -

    Also, the Gawker, though a bit over the top and full of exaggerations, specifically refers to associates at white shoe Wall Street firms. I don't think he was referring to all lawyers in general or even law students, although I guess reasonable minds can disagree. He was making a reference to associates at big law firms who are mad about their bonuses, which in the minds of many, deserve ridicule.

    Finally, I know a lot of people on this blog are not practicing attorneys (including the author) but if you actually talk to big law associates, a number of them are unhappy with their bonuses this year. Nando, why not do your own research instead of just mocking someone. I don't think the Gawker was well written, and probably wasn't worth my time to respond to, but as a factual matter (i.e., whether some associates in big law firms are upset with their bonuses), the article is accurate.

  24. Yet more condescending "articles" from this cadaver on struggling, recent law graduates:

    "How come law degrees are becoming more worthless every day? Because new law school grads can't find jobs. Why can't they find jobs? Because bitter old coot lawyers are clinging onto their offices for dear life. A vicious legal circle!"

    While Hamilton ostensibly goes after dinosaur lawyers who are holding back the next generations, in this piece, it shows that he is AWARE that things are terrible for recent JDs.

    Here is his concluding swipe:

    "Sounds like a competent lawyer to me. Carry on, old coots. At least you're keeping young people out of those hellholes."

    "Hiring is expected to decline for those with associate, master and professional degrees, with professional-degree hiring seeing the biggest drop at 13 percent. The professional category includes law, medical and veterinary degrees.

    Ouch. Sorry. Can't say we didn't warn you. It's a good thing law school grads are so resilient."

    If you want to see another scam-blogger slap Hamilton around, head over to:

    Knut does a fine job of exposing Hamilton as a remarkably immature chimp. In the last analysis, would YOU respect someone who blames the victim - and does so in such a hostile manner? Imagine if your spouse was hit by a drunk driver tonight - and some ass-munch tells you, “Why the hell was your spouse driving around at that time of night, anyway? Isn‘t she smart enough to realize that drunks are behind the wheel at that hour?”

  25. As much as I love this blog Nando, who cares if some schmuck on Gawker rights a 5 minute blog post? He's not a real journalist.

  26. That guy looks like a cretin.

  27. Dude that guy is ugly. What happened to him?

  28. I have never wanted a talentless hack blogger to be run over by a mac truck as much as Hamilton Nolan, a fake New Yorker if ever there was one. Go back to your Floridian hick hole you filthy little cunt.


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