Monday, March 11, 2013

TTT State of the Legal Industry: the Lawyer Job Market is Still Glutted

A Total of 200 Legal Jobs Were Added in February 2013:

On March 8, 2013, Am Law Daily published a piece from Tom Huddleston, Jr., under the headline “Legal Sector Added 200 Jobs in February.” Take a look at this opening:

“Legal hiring rebounded slightly last month after suffering a major drop-off in January, with the industry adding 200 jobs, according to seasonally adjusted preliminary employment data released Friday by the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics.

The initial estimate of February's modest gains comes a month after the BLS reported that the legal industry had shed 2,400 positions in January. The positive news contained in Friday's report was, however, offset by a revision to the preliminary January figures that pushed that month's estimated job losses up to 3,500. (Friday's report showed the agency's December estimate holding steady at 1,900 jobs gained for the month.) 

Factoring in Friday's hiring estimates, the legal sector now employs 5,000 more people than it did at this point last year and roughly 1.125 million people overall—about 50,000 fewer than it did at its pre-recession peak in 2007.” [Emphasis mine]

Yes, those are fantastic gains, right?!?! Who wouldn’t want to go to law school at this point in time? Isn’t it nice that there are an estimated 5,000 more people working in this field than at the same time last year? That must mean that there will soon be a major recovery in the legal “profession”!

According to the NALP Class of 2011 Employment Summary Report, a total of 44,495 people earned law degrees that year. Keep in mind that successful, older swine lawyers tend to practice until they are fossils. How do you like your odds, Lemming?!?!

Then again, Cockroach Don Leduc - dean and “president” of Fourth Tier Trash Pit TTTThoma$ M. Cooley Law Sewer - has recently proclaimed “Now’s a great time to enter law school.” Of course, the pig’s immense salary depends on duping tons of people into his low-ranked program.

Other Wondrous Developments:

Aric Press wrote an article that appeared on the March 10, 2013 edition of the Am Law Daily. That story was labeled “The Future of Law as Seen From Silicon Valley.” Check out the following gems:

“What does the future of law practice look like?

It will be user-friendly and accessible via bright and fresh retail shops with the ambiance of Apple stores. It will be data-driven, with litigators turning to enormous databases capable of predicting results and guiding strategy. It will have the charm of an assembly line that parcels work out across time zones and specialties in structured processes certain to warm the hearts of project managers. And it will be beautiful. Imagine strings of case citations rendered as computer-generated graphics as appealing to the eye as they are to the analytical mind.

These were among the compelling visions that emerged last week from a remarkable conference in Silicon Valley. Called ReinventLaw, the daylong meeting featured 40 speakers who described a series of digital, regulatory, and engineering changes that are redefining law as lawyers and their clients now know it.” [Emphasis mine]

Do you think that these advances in technology will not have an adverse effect on the legal job market?! Also, do you believe that Biglaw clients will return to the billable hour scam? With every major industry, such developments lead to more work being performed by fewer employees.

Later on, the article continued:

“Disruption will come to the U.S. legal market because it’s too big to ignore,” said Ajaz Ahmed, a prominent British Internet promoter who operates in collaboration with an English firm, Last Cawthra Feather in Yorkshire. The site provides online legal services to consumers and businesses, in a combination of do-it-yourself forms and lawyer-assisted work.

Richard Granat , who runs a company called DirectLaw that helps small firms deliver on-line legal services, also had disruption in mind. “We have a moral issue about serving the American people,” Granat told the audience. “If the legal profession can’t figure it out, we should deregulate the whole thing. Let capitalism work its magic.” With that, the room burst into applause.” [Emphasis mine]

Read this Chris Opfer article, which appeared in New York magazine on March 14, 2012. The piece is entitled “Rise of the Machines: New Technology May Spell the End for NYC’s Bottom-Rung Lawyers.” You will see that the $outhern Di$trict of New York became the first federal pig court to approve the use of predictive coding. The “profession” has already felt the effects of this decision.

Conclusion: The U.S. lawyer job market is GLUTTED and shrinking. As such, clients and companies are hiring fewer attorneys. Due to ABA “Ethics” Opinion 08-451 - issued in August 2008 - U.S. law firms can now hire foreign attorneys and non-lawyers to engage in American legal discovery. Legal process outsourcing, temp hag agencies, and automation have had one hell of an impact on the U.S. lawyer job market. Do not expect those lost jobs to return. Clients and employers will demand fewer attorneys - relying on technology - to perform more work. For $ome rea$on, ABA-accredited diploma mills will continue to pump out FAR TOO MANY graduates, for the available number of job openings.


  1. Uh huh..200 legal jobs were added but at what pay rate per hour are they receiving? $15?? $20??...very disappointing times for the legal industry and even more so if you have a bachelors degree in "arts" or "political science" and went straight into law without a "Plan B" to fall back on if your law career does not work out...=(

  2. And in the prior month, we lost 3500 legal jobs.

  3. The world's worst profession. That is all.

  4. Why don't they replace law professors with machines? Law professors should not pull down six figures for teaching three hours a week.

  5. Thanks, Nando. You can tell it's a slow news day when a nominal 200-worker gain, sure to be revised by a thousand or so next month, merits a few paragraphs.

    Nice photo — I should steal it for my blog.


    'The BLS February jobs report shows the restaurant industry added jobs at 3.4 percent in 2012, or double the rate of the overall economy.'

    Here come The Colonel wit' sum great news y'all. Didja see dat there them here report from da BLS? We's be rollin' in da dough like a mo'fucka. Gotdayem! We's done did growed at da 3.4 poicent last year. How's ya likes them chickin wings? If ya can't gits a fuckin' job wit' ya law certificate we's mights be willin' t' take ya on in da fast food bidness. Top 10% of da law school class preferred.

  7. ^No journal exp. required? What about moot court?

  8. I always thought the Coolio Schoolio Dean of Law parasite's name was Donald LeDick. Thanks for clearing that up, Nando. Now I see he goes by Don.

    "Been spending most their lives, living in the scamster's paradise
    Keep spending most our lives, living in the scamster's paradise"

  9. "Now's a great time to enter law school."

    What a lying piece of shit. You know when this asshole went to law school, it cost nothing compared to today. Fuck him.

  10. Meanwhile, yet another article that law schools are hiring their own graduates for short term jobs to boost their employment scores.

  11. When will we start seeing McDonald's buying up law schools and simply charging people $10K for a law degree from the drive thru? Upsize to an LLM for an extra $5K.

  12. The Bureau of Labor Statistics predicts 220,000 entry-level lawyer jobs this decade. (don't have time to fish out the link). The despicable law school greed machine is on pace to glut the market with 440,000 lawyers (most in horrible debt)-- so it is a coin flip's chance, according to the BLS.

    Now, here is the chilling thing: What if the BLS estimate is way too optimistic?

    In a recent NYT piece, the BLS is criticized for vastly overpredicting veterinarian openings. Could they used some of the same faulty methodologies for predicting legal openings? Or could they have made a different set of overoptimistic mistakes with regard to predicting lawyer openings--such as failing to appreciate the rate and scope of job displacement due to digitization?

    Don't know. But it was jarring to hear the BLS described as "The last refuge for rosy forecasters."

  13. Seton hall law toilet "skrockets" to a tie for 64th best Toilet in america! way to go, Valvoline Dean! when van we expect a press release touting this great achievement. after all attaining the greatness of being 64/220 is really an amazing achievement in any field. maybe one day your toilet basketball program can get ranked 64th.

    1. You're not proud of your alma maTTer squeaking into the top 1/3 of law schools?

  14. The technology race is already on. Techies have already left the locker room, kicked-off, and are in the game. Give 'em a good five years, and the legal field is going to be decimated.

  15. Shit! I got accepted by a Tier 1 (non-elite, but regionally very strong) school. Financially it's a very good deal. I've been trying to decide between lawyering and teaching. Some of my family wants me to be a lawyer (how often do you hear that?) but they're not the ones who are going to have to bust their asses for a JD that might be useless in five to ten years, are they?

    Maybe teaching is a better option. It's not a glamorous line of work, but then neither is 99.99% of the law, and I'd bet money that most teachers make as much or more per year than most lawyers. Besides, as a teacher I feel I've actually been making a positive difference. Does the world need another lawyer? Jesus. I really don't know what to do. At least I don't have to even consider dealing with a shithole TTT or TTTT, but the way things are right now, it seems like even a T1 JD isn't an excellent prospect.


    I found a great article regarding the shrinking lawyer job market, on the JD Junkyard thread above. That site usually provides strong commentary about developments in the legal “profession.”

    On March 11, 2013, the Chronicle of Higher Education featured an article from Steven J. Harper, with the headline "Pop Goes the Law." Check out this opening:

    "The Law School Admission Council recently reported that applications were heading toward a 30-year low, reflecting, as a New York Times article put it, "increased concern over soaring tuition, crushing student debt, and diminishing prospects of lucrative employment upon graduation." Since 2004 the number of law-school applicants has dropped from almost 100,000 to 54,000.

    Good thing, too. That loud pop you're hearing is the bursting of the law bubble—firms, schools, and disillusioned lawyers paying for decades of greed and grandiosity. The bubble grew from a combination of U.S. News-driven ranking mania, law schools' insatiable hunger for growth, and huge law firms' obsession with profit above all else. Like the dot-com, real-estate, and financial bubbles that preceded it, the law bubble is bursting painfully. But now is the time to consider the causes, take steps to soften the impact, and figure out how to keep it from happening again.

    The popular explanation for the recent application plummet is that information about the profession's darker side, including the recession's exacerbation of the attorney glut, has finally started reaching prospective law students. Let's hope so. Marginal candidates and those choosing law school by default might be opting out, and the law-school market may finally be heading toward self-correction."

    By the way, Harper is a "law professor" at Northwestern University. Do you understand the implications, mindless lemming?!?!

    According to the latest rankings from US "News" & World Report, issued today, Northwestern University Law School is ranked 12th best in the nation. Listing the tuition and fee and full-time enrollment figures next to each diploma mill is nice feature of the new scheme. Lastly, Third Tier Drake has dropped five spots from last year, landing in a four-way tie for 109th greatest law school in the land.

  17. Not that it matters all that much - USN&WR rankings are pretty stupid and arbitrary when it comes to differences of ten or twenty places. But American University Law just fell from its tenuous first-tier place into the second-tier toilet. It now sits below Georgia State University (not a bad school, but not elite by any stretch of the imagination.)

    I feel a little bad for the students who chose American. It's an overpriced "pseudo-elite" second-rate school for Georgetown and GW rejects. This must be why American's job placement rates are so abysmal. DC is a saturated market and American plays third fiddle, not counting all the T14 grads who descend on Washington for firm and gov jobs.

  18. Law school is a terrible choice. Unlike most of you guys, I went to a top school. Top ten. I went back to real estate. I didn't really learn anything useful eiher. I have family and friends wanting legal advice (free of course). And in a way I'm happy I get to tell them I can't help them.

    I probably couldn't get you out of a parking ticket. I don't know how to draft a will. To this day, I've never seen one. I knew more legal shit from real estate before I went to law school. (Contracts, water rights, lease forms and whatnot). I did well academically at least compared to most. I was top 25%. But those numbers don't really mean shit. I applied to dozens and dozens of firms, and I got one interview. And this was the same for plenty of my classmates too.

    1. Wills and trusts. You can buy a packet for these documents from legalzoom. Loooooooong gone are the days of paying some asshole at law $500 for a simple document.

      Fuck, man. You can go to Office Max and buy the kit for $36. The public caught onto the scam before the students did. They understood they were paying some asshole $250 or $500 for a cut n' paste job.

  19. Unless you wanto be a solo, which carries its own risk problem and business issues, do not go to law school. Solo work is the only way you can possibly make real money in this profession and have a life but you could just as easily fail at it. You dont take out insane loans to make average money. You do it to get rich and soloing is the way to give yourself the best chance. The job market is too bad to even think you can get somewhere working for others.

  20. Cooley is now offering an LLM in homeland security. The graduates from the program will be unemployed and end up joining the military and sent to the front lines of Afghanistan toting an M-16 rifle. That is the closest they will get to protecting America in homeland security.

    1. A Cooley Homeland Security LLM, huh? I see a flood of new TSA officials in the near future.

    2. How many times does a Cooley grad end up punching movie tickets when you go to the theater? Just be nice so they don't spit in your popcorn.

  21. Just got the Wall Street Journal in the mail and yet another article about the law school scam. Northwestern cut their enrollment and so did others. Now the deans are feeling the heat even more.

  22. Notice no law school would dare offer an LLM in forensic accounting fraud law or something along those lines. The students would smarten up and realize the law school is the fraud. Next there will be an LLM for dog bite law or something else that is lame......but LLM in consumer protection law with an emphasis in misrepresentation.

  23. Where's Cryn to document the law school scam? We could sure use her voicve.


    Take a look at the LSAC chart labeled "LSATs Administered."

    The total number of exams for 2012-2013 was LESS THAN the figure for 1987-1988. Do the math, lemmings. This past year, there were a total of 112,515 LSATs administered, compared to 115,988 in 1987-1988.

    Here is another fantastic stat: in 2009-2010, the number of entrance exams amounted to 171,514. According to this data source, the last three years saw respective declines of LSATs of 7.5 percent, 13.6% and 12.9 percent.

    In sum, there has been a 52.4 percent drop in law school admission tests from 2009-2010 to 2012-2013, i.e. 171,514/112,515. Of course, the greedy pig diploma mills have simply loosened their standards, in order to retain significant class sizes.

    Paul Campos posted an epic ITLSS entry labeled “Endgame” – on December 14, 2012. Check out this killer opening:

    “[T]he percentage of applicants being admitted to at least one school has been rising for several years now:

    2004: 55.6%
    2005: 58.6%
    2006: 63.1%
    2007: 66.1%
    2008: 66.5%
    2009: 67.4%
    2010: 68.7%
    2011: 71.1%"

    Keep in mind that people typically flock to graduate and professional schools, during a recession. Apparently, people are starting to catch onto the law school scam. Thanks to a great collective effort of bloggers, social commentators, and mainstream press coverage, fewer college grads are becoming willing victims to the law school swine.

    1. Law is a business like any other. It is difficult for many people to find a job in healthcare, insurance, business, ANYWHERE.

      I would love to see ANY large-scale education system that guarantees you a comfortable living for life.

      People are suckered into all kinds of business (including law) that shouldn't be there to begin with.

      You are obviously passionate about law and law school, even if in a negative way. You complain about the money.

      So if money is a concern, why not monetize this blog?

      You are leaving lots of cash on the table that you could use for whatever purpose you would like. With your readership, it would be very easy. I wouldn't ask for a dime in return if you wanted my help. Website monetization is how I have built my career.

    2. I have an MD and it is pretty much a guaranteed comfortable living for life. Granted, some docs may have to practice in BumF, Arkansas, but practically everyone gets a decent-paying job.

  25. Law school is a sucker's bet for the vast majority of law grads. It is amazing, but every successive year gets even more worse for law grads in terms of opportunities and debt. Meanwhile, law professors have never had it better. This is a crap, mickey mouse profession.

  26. For all those law grads out there who are really bordering on desperation; consider the military. i am not a recruiter of any sort, this is just advice because i genuinely worry about the future of our generation. my friend went to a third tier law school, couldn't find work at all. he joined the coast guard and became a jag there and he makes a decent salary and they gave him some kind of grant money towards his loans (not the gi bill, which is for veterans only). apparently the coast guard recently lowered its standards from requiring an aba-accredited law school to accepting non-aba accredited law school grads as jags. if you make it through you get a direct commission to be an officer.

    there are lots of jags who went to the academies but you could definitely find work there provided you aren't a knuckle dragging, shit-chucking, mouth breather. at the very least you could become a reservist and its some cash in your pocket every month. and jags do shit, trust.

  27. Great there is a decline in LSAT Exams and Kaplan test preparation must feel the pinch. Kaplan also promotes the law school scam telling students what a wonderful investment it is. Same goes for the swine at political science departments in undergraduate schools, they are the railroad lines to law school hell. Get high school students to catch on to this early and they never will take the transit route through political science undergrad and you will even see those departments implode. We need to derail this gravy train.

  28. LeDouch is still spewing his propaganda about the job market I see. He is like the North Korean minister of propaganda. Everything is fine with the economy. Lawyers Paradise. I was not one of the Cooley grads who partacipated in the class action suit but my Cooley diploma was so valuable that today I applied for a job at a shoe store at my local mall. Of course I left my JD off the application.

  29. @ 7:33 pm,

    You should check out this link and discussion.

    On June 2, 2011, at 12:24 pm, TLS user "Horchata" started a thread labeled "How difficult to get into JAG?" Here is the original post:

    "Hey all, how hard is it to do the JAG program after law school? They say on the website it's a competitive process (but of course they're not going to say, "ya, everyone can do it").

    Secondly, when exiting the Navy, how would one be viewed by employers? It seems they would get hands on training from the get go."

    Accountholder "MTal" - who has consistely provided insightful comments on that site - responded with the following remark, on the same day at 12:31 pm:

    "More competitive than Biglaw."

    Top Law Schools contributor "bgdddymtty" then added this post, at 12:36 pm, five minutes after MTal's comment:

    "It's extremely competitive, as in single-digit acceptance rates.

    If you want to pursue this more seriously, I'd suggest taking the time to read the Military Law forum. It'll take a while, but you'll get a lot of valuable perspective/information."

    On June 3, 2011, at 11:55 pm, someone using handle "armyparalegalnco" furnished the following reply:

    "First and foremost you have to qualify for military service in general. Medical and Criminal histories, number of dependants, age, hegiht/weight, all come into play. 2/3 people generally do not qualify to join the military just off the basics."

    Furthermore, many law students are in weak-ass, physical shape. Rounded shoulders, a pot belly, and bad posture are serious hurdles for anyone seeking to pass military training.

    I talked to a Navy JAG recruiter once. He told me that there are very few slots each year. Also, following the September 11th attacks, all U.S. military branches were receiving tons of JAG applications from Ivy League-educated lawyers. According to this man, Navy JAG wants people who are at least in the top 5-10 percent of their class - with a preference from a top law school."

    Lastly, do you have any actual documentation that the U.S. Coast Guard has lowered its standards, as you stated above? Please provide a link to that source.

  30. I found a few more insightful comments on JAG selectivity, from the TLS thread that I cited to in the above post. Take a look at this post from "Journeybound" - from June 3, 2011 at 10:23 pm:

    "I'm doing an internship with Air Force JAG right now. One of the Lieutenants that I work with said that the acceptance rate was 3.6% during her cycle last year for direct appointment. I think that it's averaging around 4-5% selection rate right now. Extremely competitive, and grades aren't the only thing that they look at."

    Apparently, the competition is pretty damn fierce.

    TLS accountholder "armyparalegalnco" published the following comment, on June 3, 2011 at 12:42 am:

    "In order of precedence (hardest to easiest) this is the order of JAG difficulty based on pure size of the branches.

    1. Coast Guard (Sometimes they only take 3 a year)
    2. Air Force (They are just straight picky)
    3. Marine Corps
    4. Navy
    5. Army

    6. Any reserve compone[n]t

    Keep in mind that in Air Force, Marine Corps and Coast guard while you are a JAG officer, you are also considered a line officer. Which means technically you could be a tank commander or something along those lines; In the Army and Navy you will only ever be a lawyer as you are different from other officers.

    As far as difficulty getting in, if you are rejected by the Army you can probably forget it, but if rejected by the others you still have a shot with Army.

    During the wars you could get in a lot easier, but things have slowed treme[n]dously."

    In a later post, this user clarifies that there are fewer boots on the ground, and less need for JAGs, since each component is downsizing.

    If the Coast Guard accepts the fewest number of JAGs each year - which is almost certainly the case since it is the smallest branch of the military - why would they lower the requirements, and admit grads of non-ABA schools?

    According to this document, as of 2011, there were only 33,200 enlisted members of this branch. The number of officers amounted to 8,398, with 7,997 reservists. In fact, the Commandant of the USCG is not even a member of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

  31. Well I certainly learned something new. Much respect to those that stick out it.

  32. @7:33:

    The only way the vast majority of law school grads are going to make it in the military is by embarking on a non-JAG route. Doesn't a JD start out at Captain in the Army?

    That being said, I'm sure not practicing law would absolutely crush most of the lemmings out there. However, at least you'd have place in the barracks, chow hall, VA benefits, and a paycheck.

  33. The Law School/Student Loan
    Suicide Fantasy Chronicles


    Five kids went to law school
    in autumn's Gothic season;
    children bright, with much ambition
    without the money for tuition.

    All were dead within five years
    by suicide, so it appears
    and for the selfsame reason.
    (Read on if you think I'm teasin')

    The darkest sin that's known to man
    is to take one's life
    with one's own hand.

    They all stepped off the bus at tar-oh
    early on an August day, but
    like runaways in Hollywood,
    they had to sell themselves to stay.

    In their case it was kind of fun.
    They signed an X,
    and with a HEX
    the deed was done!
    (No need to worry 'bout tomorrow
    the student loans were there to borrow.)

    But on that first and fateful day
    and ere they stepped inside,
    all were seen to shrink and pause;
    for a dreadful cloud, swift and wide,
    cast a shadow on their way,
    and doubts upon their cause.

    "What evil place is this? " They asked.
    "What witchcraft lurks inside?
    What force has guided nature's hand
    to cast this dreadful pall?"

    They looked about and whispered:
    "Woe betide us all!"

    1. Billy was the first to go,
    he blew his brains out with a shotgun.

    2. Then went Jennie,
    who took a swan dive from a bridge
    in blinding snow
    and struck cold water far below.

    3. Celeste, the artsy craftsy one
    clever and footloose
    used her good hands to make a noose,
    and with a face both tight, and grim
    her clumsy feet slipped from a limb.

    4. Next came Petey
    and as you all will see,
    he sliced his two arms viciously.
    Not a good boy, he was bad.
    Some say angry,
    and some say sad
    and some say simply, MAD!

    5. Mikey, the red caboose
    was such a silly goose.
    He was always last and late
    (but just as great)
    He made himself a royal pain.
    They had to scrape him from a train!


    1. The Giggly Poem

    Little Jack Horner
    backed into a corner.
    He moans and he groans
    about student loans
    and compounded interest
    (It just made them bigger :)
    There's no jobs in law
    or outside of law
    so he's stuffing his maw
    with a smelly Benelli.
    Go figure!

    Oh that nasty old blastey old shotgun
    with the squiggly wiggly toes on the trigger!
    You silly old Billy old boy,
    everyone knows a guns not a toy, and.....


    messy messy, mop it up.
    messy messy
    up :(
    2. Jennie's In The Lake

    Jennie's in the lake.
    She cast herself down there
    from high atop the Narrows Bridge
    wild with despair.

    They say she came a cropper
    and she drowned herself quite proper
    and now, ye wouldn't pay a copper
    to be per little Jennie.
    Per....per....little Jennie.

    Jennie! Jennie! Jennie! Jen!
    I have your knitted shawl.
    Jennie! Jennie! Jennie!
    can't you hear us call?

    There's a score and six of candles
    along with one to grow.
    No need to run out in the snow
    wringing alabaster hands.
    Just call Albert Lord on the morrow
    Defer from his demands!

    Jennie pierced the ice
    with momentum and great force you see
    And when she hit the deck
    it split her like a pea
    from crotch to neck.

    But Jennie's little heart,
    so sad and brave,
    it kept on pulsing
    until the freezing water
    beckoned it to stop convulsing.

    Jennie! Jennie! Jennie! Jen!
    I have your knitted shawl.
    Jennie! Jennie! Jennie!
    can't you hear us call?

    Jennie's in the lake
    so deep she can't be found.
    But at least to Sallie Mae
    Jen's no longer bound.

    1. Hmph, more like "Lazy Dingleberry Who Hates to Work Suicide/Fantasy Chronicles."

  34. 3. Three Cheers For The Cosmic Lady

    Three cheers for the cosmic lady,
    She's hanging from a tree.
    She went to law school
    like a damn fool
    but now at least she's free.

    Three cheers for the Cosmic Lady.
    We knew she'd travel far.
    The first one in her family
    to ever pass the bar.

    Three cheers for the cosmic daughter,
    she never gave up hope.
    She found employment - good enjoyment-
    with daddy's nylon rope.

    But see her eyes!
    They look so frightening
    in the red light of the moon.
    What made the lady so upset
    to end her life so soon?

    Some say: "Life is just unkind,
    and that it sore distressed her mind.
    But some say it was greed, and gold
    for twas to *Lordy she'd been sold.

    "It's not our fault she's hanging there."
    So said the law school Dean.
    "There's figures, stats and rows and lines
    she should have read between!"

    Three cheers for the Cosmic Lady
    but....just go cut her down.
    The Mayor said it will not do
    to have this in our town.

    Three cheers for the cosmic lady
    she's up there with the stars
    where cherubs turn melodious spheres
    and angels play guitars.

    Three Cheers for the Cosmic Lady!
    Three Cheers for the Cosmic Lady!
    Three Cheers.....................

    *Lordy refers to Albert Lord of Sallie Mae

    4. Footie Pajamas

    Footie Pajamas
    Oh Footie Pajamas!
    Footie Pajamas
    So cuddly and cute.
    Where is your charcoal gray lawyers suit?

    He liked teddy bears
    and toy trains that go: "Toot"
    and orange box cutters
    (the points hardly moot)
    for he sliced his left wrist
    then the right one, to boot.

    Oh I'll admit little footie had all the best grades...

    but who taught him those tricks
    with sharp razor blades?

    "Not U.S." Said the Dean of the law school of snobs.
    "If they can't find work
    they are nothing but slobs,
    and for all that we care......
    they can post on scamblogs!"

    Poor, poor little footie
    now white as a sheet.
    His debt made him crack
    while he pounded the street.
    He went home and got drunk
    held a knife in his fists
    and first one
    then the other
    he opened both wrists.

    Footie Pajamas
    Oh! Footie Pajamas!
    Footie Pajamas
    so cuddly and cute.
    But where is your charcoal gray lawyer's suit?

    5. The Train Conductor's Monologue

    Lousy, spoiled rotten kid!
    Ye splattered up me choo choo!
    I was goin' like a missile,
    dint'cha hear me whistle?
    Three times I went woooooo, wooooo
    wooooo, whoooooo
    whoooooooooo, whooooooooooo!
    Kids like you should be out there
    rockin' and a rollin'.
    So whys there someone right here now,
    a scrapin' up yer colon?


    Five kids went to law school
    in autumn's Gothic season;
    children bright, with much ambition
    without the money for tuition.
    All were dead within five years
    by suicide, so it appears.
    The darkest sin that's known to man
    is to take one's life
    with one's own hand.


    1. Mr. Koch, although you may be very annoying at times, The Suicide Fantasy Chronicles is classic.

    2. Obvious sockpuppet is obvious.

      MISTER Koch, no less.


    3. Um Painter, why do you keep promising not to post and then post? I am not aware of anybody actually making you promise not to post in the first place.

    4. It's like when some gross obnoxious bitch gives you "the silent treatment." LOL, ANYthing but that.

    5. @630,




    6. Mr. Koch, keep up the good work!

  35. No, a JD does not automatically start out as a Captain. I looked into the military for a non-JAG position after law school out of desperation, it was definitely not a first, second, or third choice. One of my fellow law student's husband was a recruiter with the Army.

    There are three ways to become an officer straight out of college. ROTC, military college or Officer Candidate School (OCS). Here is a thread from an answer about getting into OCS with a college degree:

    "I just had a buddy try to get into the Army OCS program with a 3.65 GPA. He was turned down, because the average GPA of the people he was competing against was an insane 3.85 or something like that. He said the recruiter told him he had never seen such a high average GPA before. The recruiter also told him to try again in 6months. But, he couldn't find a job (he had a worthless degree), so he enlisted as an E-4 instead."

    In my situation, the recruiter had me take the ASVAB, he told me that I had scored the highest out of anyone that he had seen. He said I would have my choice of job assignments, but I would start out as a private, making less than 20K. At the time, they wiped out a third of your debt per year of service, which was tempting. I had gotten so far away from my pre-law school goals.

    In the eyes of the military, I was basically no better off with a JD degree, than I would be with my high school diploma. This was 12+ years ago. Even then, the military gave many incentives for nurses, doctors, and dentists, and they went in as officers, but the JD in a non-JAG position was useless.

    Even JAG positions were discriminated against compared to the health care fields. For example, doctors could get salaries while attending medical school, whereas JAG would get none. The military had a glut of JAG applicants, so they didn't have to be as generous.

  36. Additionally, the law industry is still behind in their law firm marketing efforts. It's critical that they embrace online avenues such as social media to take their firms to the next level when attracting and engaging their clients. A major reason is due to the conservative nature of the industry.


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