Sunday, April 27, 2014
Open Letter to the Graduating JD Class of 2014: Make That a Large Fry
Hello, debt-strapped fools.
You Chose to Ignore Sound Advice: I warned you waterheads back on September 15, 2011. Hell, Brian Tamanaha and Paul Campos – tenured law professors – had also highlighted this filthy industry by that time. David Segal’s brilliant masterpiece, “Is Law School a Losing Game,” was published by the New York Times – on January 8, 2011. In fact, it was the featured story on page 1 of the Business Section, Sunday edition. If you are about to receive that piece of toilet paper known as a law degree, then you have only yourself to blame.
Average Law Student Indebtedness: Take a look at these sickening, vile law student debt figures. If these numbers do not make you physically ill – or make your blood boil - then you are a eunuch. US “News” & World Report published a chart featuring Average Indebtedness of 2013 graduates who incurred law school debt. Let’s look at some of the biggest pigs, along with their overall USN&WR ranking:
Thomas Jefferson Law School, $180,665, 92 percent, TTTT;
New York Law School, $164,739, 84 percent, 140th “best”;
American University Washington College of Law, $158,636, 88 percent, 72nd best;
California Western School of Law, $157,748, 90 percent, TTTT;
Whittier Law School, $154,267, 92 percent, TTTT; and
Florida Coastal School of Law, $150,360, 91 percent, TTTT.
Keep in mind that these figures do not include debt from undergrad. They also do not take accruing interest into account. Who in their right mind takes on such outrageous sums to attend an ABA-accredited trash pit?!?!
The Crumbling Law Firm Model: On December 16, 2013, the ABA Journal posted a Debra Cassens Weiss piece labeled “Is the law firm pyramid collapsing? BigLaw is aging with more partners than associates.” From the opening:
“1988 was a peak year for associates in BigLaw.
The percentage of associates in the nation’s top 250 law firms was at its highest point that year, comprising more than 60 percent of the lawyers, Indiana University law professor William Henderson has found. Beginning in 2008, there have been fewer associates than partners in large firms.
Henderson discusses the issue in a monograph, in a post at the Legal Whiteboard and in an interview with Above the Law. “Large firms are not going extinct,” he writes at the Legal Whiteboard. “But as a matter of demographics, they are greying. If BigLaw were trading on the Nasdaq, the analysts would be very critical of this trend.”
The pyramid has been replaced by a diamond, Henderson says in the monograph, with “a relatively small number of entry-level associates, a growing bulge in the non-equity and counsel ranks, a sizable but largely invisible group of permanent staff attorneys, and a proportionately smaller equity class of partners who grow and control valuable client relationships.” In the short-term, the result is higher partner profits.
But Henderson sees the current leverage ratio as shortsighted and unsustainable in the long run. He cites a 2012 survey by American Lawyer Media in which 74 percent of managing partners forecast an increase in lateral hiring over the next five years, but only 15 percent foresaw hiring more first-year associates. “These numbers suggest that the market for lateral associates is in the process of thinning out,” he says, “and thus will not be a reliable source for high-quality legal talent.” [Emphasis mine]
Only 15 damn percent of managing partners in that 2012 survey expected to hire more first year associates. Do…you…understand…that, morons?!?! Or do you need me to draw you a diagram with Crayola on posterboard?
Death of the Doc Review Monkeys: Weekly magazine New York published Chris Opfer’s article, “Rise of the Machines: New Technology May Spell the End for NYC’s Bottom-Rung Lawyers,” on March 14, 2012. Check out this insightful portion:
“There's no escaping the fact that as predictive coding is used more widely, the technology will reduce the overall number of documents to be reviewed and the attorneys needed to review them. Judge [Cockroach Andrew J.] Peck noted the technology will require human review of less than 2 percent of all documents in an average case. His stamp of approval means that the document reviewer ranks may be culled sooner rather than later.” [Emphasis mine]
Surely, none of you dolts went to law school for the purpose of going into doc review. In the past, this was at least an option for those who attended garbage schools. Now, even those crumbs are being taken away from them. Then again, you can now review documents for $8 an hour. What a thriving "profession," huh?!?!
Conclusion: In the final analysis, YOU ignored the extensive, well-researched warnings from mainstream publications, scamblogs, lawyers, judges, and a few bold professors. Now, you are facing the abyss of insane levels of NON-DISCHARGEABLE debt and weak-ass job prospects. Yes, you picked an amazing time to attend law school, right?!?! If you are a member of this idiotic class, then don’t not complain to anyone about your plight. After all, you chose to chase long odds for a career in a GLUTTED, shrinking industry.
You can now spend seven years in “higher education” so that you be an uncompensated Marin County Deputy District Attorney! Who wouldn’t want to sign up for this indentured servitude position - especially when it’s located in an affluent area?! Of course, you also must do the following before even being considered: pass the California Bar Exam; work full-time; commit for a minimum of six months – and with no hope of getting hired on after your stint!
Posted by Nando at 5:57 AM